Did it again. Ups....:)

Where to begin when im always there..at the beginning. Hihihi..im laughing. Its so silly sometimes u see. Way I am in life, the life is to me and wuf…there is nothing out there for me that is not already in me..

Love how philosophical one can spend its time. What eternal reasons we keep using and from real acknowledgment must share it is absolutely becoming meaningless and boring. It is one of those things that u get rid of for a while and than it becomes reflected in others..wow.Its not seeing that from other perspective, knowing it so well in others while they live it, just frustrating and latter no words can be said!? when u know what they are feeling and trying to do..ah..jajaja...

I had a thought..hahaha. listen.

“In thought I am dead.

From idea I rise.

For my talent is to run

Horse I’ve become.”

Because, a thought is not life.

A thought is a tool, how bring idea into life.

Ur a life of those ideas.

Ideas r seeds from which talents grow.

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A thought, thou, is only valuable in its true place and time with in u.

How smart and how meaningless it all is. It is worth it when u live it and becomes stupid when addressed to people that don’t pay the ticket for listening. I mean who really wants to know.

So in this case when I get bored I know its time to move. Cant and wont change surrounding , im not turn on by it, so better do my thing u know.!? And life goes back to its sparkles and trickles and other words im not particularly familiar with. but they mean fun and liveliness.

The thing is that is just so much u can learn when being among others. But when u learn and realize it it would be complete nonsense to enter something its not in ur interest. I love this type of ego. It has its place and time.

Im in time when I don’t take photos or write. Its else time.

Funny a place where emotions are just somewhere left alone to deal with themself and ur just in ur cool self.! Hihihih..

Got to say: " I did it again."

P.S. Something still is on a bother. there one that needs to be awaken. other wise he shall loose all the one can loose. im thinking how to make it happened. can i really influence. i heard stories. it is time for one. just like that. onse super story time , ok!?

Love u IS.

"It is time to go", said the time. Than closed the door and left.

Time has no smell, has no form, has no shape, has no color or a habit. Wonderful solder on a playground constructed by our voice. Time is the voice.

When u want to live with more people first smart thing is to connect with this voices. This is also the voice that is creating u friends in the place where u are. If ur in good relationship with the voice of time u shall be well received and taking care of with others. But if for reasons known to u u choose not to listen the voice of time u start listening to other voice that is coming from no time and it is talking about the world being an illusion, people just wasting life in the name of time. Because if there is no time there is nothing to waste. And explanations go on and on.

Funny I confess I like both. But recently I could understand what i have heard on so manny occasions, when  i heard SILENCE. THAT  DIDN’T WHISPER ANY WORDS..

IS JUST STRANGE and different continence of what u hear than when u use directions of voice of time or no time.. its so strange I cant even explain it. But really what im doing right now is using the voice of time to explain the voice of no time by talking about silence.

And it goes like this on and on, again.

I love u, I don’t love..but love is not a question. I am love. J hihihihi..

I said goodbye from a friend…fock, we eat and talk and the truth was out there not trying to look better. Flow began. We were home. We stepped out of the restaurant, hugged, strong AND with affection. We hugged kissed, and repeated 3 times, and I said..i love u and having u as a friend is very important to me. I know now I loved u from right place. Love is real.

We touched for the last time with our cheeks wet of tears and with a smile shining from both  lips. We walked away not looking back, sad in heads and happy in hearts.

Im proud to be this person! And to know this person. Life is great so much more after u get over of making it condemn. Or something. It is a glorious flow of energy, vibrations, people, surprises, gifts and teachings..

Hallo California!

Sharing

“Something u said made me feel extremely bad. And knowing how u think I decided to keep it for my self, wait for something that u teach to happen. Well it simply didn’t work and bad feelings are now here with even reason and explanation. So something did happened after all. Clear perspective. No longer I can hear from ur mouth blabla it’s a women talk, to emotional not rational.

It is also funny that what u teach is still so framed into what society was thinking and determine hundreds of years ago, while ur really so liberated..i thought, anyway..

Im sad that time came when I saw what needed to be done Kissing  and looking . How ur eyes are is so different than how ur words come out. And I love u so much. What is in ur eyes? I guess since the begging love was there. Once life strike us with needed communication to cut the hours and make some importance of time we blow it. But im happy that I can see. That is why I shall go with love still being there. And when im gonna see u the next time I will sparkle, for we gonna be there with eyes, present. And no more unnecessary words would take focus away. Oh, and don’t forget the doctor appointment on Friday, Lisa will come for the money on Saturday at 11 am, and Jack, he needs to go and make pee in the morning, ok!? Call me if u need anything. Im there. Lov u, bye.”

Is what she said on that Sunday afternoon while sipping warm lemon grass tea. Didn’t say a word, tear came, so did from her corners of eyes, but truth, I never felt so much love between us like now. She is gone and im staying with my old habits, gaining new ones. Jack is happy and he started to sleep in bed something I never aloud before. I thought it is not appropriate. I started to cook him like she did before. He doesn’t like briquettes. I take him for walk 2 time per day. And strangely I don’t really think about her. She is here , present. Was wandering if this is what she meant the other day on the phone when she was talking about God. This sensation, that somebody or something is always present. And if u take it slow u can really feel it and everything seems ok and in its place. I don’t know. I hate the idea of God. And religion. And spiritualism..what is all that crap?! People living under different rules just like atheist, but really they are not more loving or non discriminating..they are even worse. My God is better than from others..ah..its a shity…bloody God reality.

Yet ..i don’t know I kind liked what she said when she put a long speech about her experience on mushrooms that she had, seeing God is in us, is us. She said she was flying there, hallucinating and in front of her was an altar of Jesus and Maria..She said other people were there In the room sharing the journey and they were in struggle or really happy but always from one extreme to another. She was just sitting deciding she will not react she will observe and see where the sacred mushrooms will take her. And there she was, she said: “..once I was able to calm from a strong affect that took me in this emotions and loosing any kind a sense of reality I manage focus on the light from a candle, looking Jesus behind holding heart in his hand . All the noises and big fuss around me slowly went away. Was in the spiral move, like time line. In the shape of caracol and was sitting and watching the life of all of me of animals, plants universe, stars..everything u can imagine and more. There was more, but mind couldn’t recognize, sound were whispering in my ears and colors, shapes were moving and glowing. It was spectacular performance, every little cell was alive. Of course we get so distracted from our self in everyday life. Its because we put focus on the outside, u know?” she continue..

And she add that more ur in action more ur far from the real u which is a point or space where nothing that we know is. No emotions, no feeling, no color, smell it is pure and that is why we can do so many different things and create so many diversities. The thing is that actually if u wanna be in center it doesn’t mean u have to go and meditate all the time or live in a monastery. No, that is awesome news!!! All u need to do is get the experience of ur self, maintain it and enjoy the fruits of the actions with this world. Its fascinating. Of course while u do that u automatically stop doing things that are bad or negative or good or positive.. Because of the nature of whoo u r not of thought about who u might be”

 Oh I wish u would have this experience. "And don’t look for label in ur head now, baby. Its doesn’t have it its just an adventure!”,

She left again. Didnt hear from her for a while now. She makes me think she is crazy and far from what I want, but something is happening and is wakening the interest.

Hm..gotta take Jack for a walk.

D...a DF.FF

Weekend in DF was strange, great, loving, fearful, full of compassion and realizations. It was a weekend in DF!!! Of course its confused in explain it..

After spending good wet Zipolite time, where me and girls encounter even bigger surprise by being invited to a nice hotel with good food. From Thursday to Tuesday time was clicking differently. It went to slow to slower. Laying as death corpses on a not so shady swinging bed, eating what mind desired, drink what once was seen in best movies..life was hard, yeah, right!!! I fell in love with my girls, NINA, MARTA, one more time.

Reunited in DF was now warm inside more than outside. Burned and skin in a start to peal, party time began. That usually freaks me out. I cant stop, when there is no time to stop. So we went for it,. Tired or no, with a plan of a calm night we never ended before 5 am. Teenage people mostly in their minds. So was I. Not better or worst.
Meeting a very nice girl, my exboyfriend woman(from Croatia) made me kind a , well its weird, but it’s a fact that is comforting to me…will not speak of why its only for close minds, jajaja..love me more for not sharing all.
She has a big strong spirit and I see my self in her.
I needed to say goodbye from her with a kiss and sentence ”u have a really good person in ur life(meaning boyfriend)” and I meant every little intension in it.

Went on a date, with a guy, that from 2nights ago that I lean my eyes on him for the first time I could see some fishy stuff.. but as he is very cute and obviously well secure in money issue, everybody thought he is a nice guy. And he is. Just!!!
It turned out he has some deep shit issues, that he somehow doesn’t wanna clear out of his life. I mean. He is highly intelligent. But using ,think, this bizarre needs to share them as provoking..but mainly I believe, himself. Just a fact that he jumps from one identity as a strong man to other as a hurt boy made me feel that.
Was thinking how boring..so many people live their lives based on idea of who they are, and than they need to work on it so much!!! Its not interesting its to obvious!!!! Get a grip!!!

After talking for some time we reached family matters and could see his pain and in that moment a trigger that turned him into not so pleasant CUTE MAN.hum..we all have our traumas, but should we stay for their sakes prisoners of them!??!Hard working robots to please this invented by hurt identity, something not ours?? Of choices that were made by us or other such a long time ago!?!?


To bad..good looking guy in Mexico is hard to find..one is lost..shit, is what I think about!!!
And good luck!

Market in the morning

“Girl? Where did u lost ur shoes?”, as on going guilt was asking. Mother and father, teachers, lovers..all that once was adored and admired fall in the voice of guilt.

Chaska left for market to buy some meat and pick up the left overs for her 2 found dogs. She got overwhelmed by the progress her little action is producing. Something she thought is just one more maltreated dog by the street in possession of someone that is doing it, became a real matter of life and death. But how she couldn’t see that before?

So much fake and stupid priorities she made in her life. Like going to another party and than feeling dead of reality for at least 3 days. “What is driving me to look for times of getting always of myself?”

She than spends hours on remind her who she is. Its never clear line between the life u are and the life u live. She knows that, but its easy to forget when most of people are living corpses…It’s a sad fact, but take the mirror in your face, see the eyes and chicks when u ask , “Why is this life so important to me…What are things that I do that are so important?”, after a definition she went, “What I really wanna do? What excites me? What makes me happy??”…and sad face followed when, “ What is so important in my important life that im not living what is really important to me and than by all means to all of us!?!? “ life and death, something like that got twisted in a normal thing for a humanity…beings are dyeing in front of our everyday walks to the store and when someone helps they are surpised with “UAAAU!” … and weird looks r glue on u.

Important to someone is what is important to majority. Living the customs of all..being popular and chick…being..?

”FOCK ME, FoCK IMPORTANT IDEA OF me!!” She shouted and put her clothes of in front of the market..people became afraid. Some turned their faces of disgust away, unloved men lick their lips with hunger, grand mother took of her sweater and tried to embrace her with it..protected love..all where protecting something..non could just except the difference and let it be…

“It is only a pain in your memory!!” She than continue in her coming calm voice.

“ Pain when u knew they are not fair to u. Only a child that wants to touch, observe, put on a favorite clothes..but ur idea dint match to theirs combinations and they took choice away, took away ur own point of view..i just wanna feel my choice. It’s never about hurting u. Dont posses that power, but I do have the power to free my self and I have to try. Can u understand in that little corner of ur mind, where u know life is so much more that what we try to maintain for sooooo long…generation to generation..living confused dreams of so long lost past. People died for ideas of others, failing them, ‘couse they were never part from them. But this is a part of me. Its my dream to set free of what they keep persuading me its wrong, but I never sow it as wrong..Dont want to feel wrong about myself!!Of u!! I wanna see u as trying ur own choices as well!! “

She put her clothes on and continue a way to the market. Seat down and ordered granola and yogurt and went analyzing into what just happened, what are the results. Shame came on her face and colored it. Chaska was happy. As she didn’t run, but listen to her need, she somehow gain power of being untouchable. People’s whisper about her spreaded fast, but her head was high up and people after soon though it’s a story of gossip with no real ground and they continue seeing her as Chaska with clothes on. A normal girl that goes to market to pick up meat for her 2 rescue dogs, that nobody seen but they decide to believe her story…hahaha…she was surprise, how people choose what to believe and what not.

She was never the same and she is becoming she of her own free she. Step by step. J

Soft fly

Really..

Fire. Burned skin. Flesh in smell. Dinner. Way out to way in. Peace. Go.
Remember?! Taking clothes, discipline them. Joy comes from horrible actions. Thinking of God. Making suffer and gaining respect. Road to famous. Lucky moment to realize is left a side. No mourning.
Trilling walk. Woods is dark. No fear. Why not continue!?


Play the song. One knows which. One doesn’t need words. Timing comes naturally right. Hope into future. Sitting close. Air. Must be love.
Fire. Burned skin. Flesh is touched. Breakfast. Way in is way out. Happiness. Stay.
Fell it!? Leaving clothes. No actions. Thinking of u. Let it go and loosing nothing. Stopped in present.
Free in flow. Soft fly. So much light. Brave. Why not continue?

Oaxaca.

The rest is history. Better like that. Since I miss friends from Brazil more I imagined. Beach, sea, hotness, misty air. Acai, beautiness of people, dancing nights, drums..

But the other side is here with me. As always Mexico convert me into more sweet Nina..softer, lighter, in calm and knowledgment that is on tips of fingers. Just an action away.

Meeting great people is putting u deeper into the living society.

Im talking classes of guitar. Took before in a small school. The noise, the mixture of students that have no idea and students that are pushing violins bow, guitars gets peach with them, knowing what they are doing..the other room of practice was separated by open door and open top wall. Nothing was to make silence in there. To much noise and to little or better no interest of teacher towards his students..a waning place. didn’t like and I left as passiveness is encountering many people of not being a good friend with it!!! Believe it doesn’t even have a sex definition. Way to passive for it!!!

Hehehe.

“Julio is a great guitarist player, teacher, composer..here is his number!”, Guillermo is a sweetest man I have found. In life!! Just being round him makes u happy and content. U just know that all is the way it should be. He is actually Willy!!! Grayed hair architect, with a characteristic nose and warm eyes, great Jaime’s friend. Just yesterday when he had a whole weekend visits and bumping in each other is a common thing, jajaja, we ended up sharing the whole, Mexico lost in football, day.

It turned out all more than that!

Went to a big market an hour away, after Jaime drove me to see dogs that I found last Friday leaving a swimming pool, that was aloud to enjoy alone in after opening hours, big Olympic pool, back in waters arms, happy ,happy. And as I was leaving caught a horrible and unforgiving situation that a dog was in. He has a collar that is starting to opening his neck. It’s a middle aged Doberman. On a half meter chain. Not even able to stand proper. No food for long weeks left him laying as a pile of bones. Dry pot, no water , no shade, under hot Oaxacan sun...and a white young, like year and a half, friendly dog that has just began the same destiny a meter away.

Went to buy food in a next open kitchen tent by the road..rice and left over’s of meat made a perfect snack, water. They don’t chew, they were just swallowing as big as they could bite in the food. It can tear ur heart apart!

Next day.

I found nice butchers that gave me a lot of meet, cooked it with cuscus and went to feed them, with water. Today im stepping on that property as a blond stupid girl with a lot of pain in her self always finding comfort with dogs..hope a change can be made with the owner. “Please, universe. Step on a good side with me! Lets awake goodness in this man! Please! What do u say?”

The rest of the day putt me to look for balance. Thinking having a perfect day, after realizing it a situation like that turned out. And the minute I wanted to shout out of me “WhY, THE FUCK WE CREATED THIS SUFFERING!? Why choosing pain and stupidity at all times..WHY??!?!?”

It came clear. Its to balance. If one day we decide not to enjoy anymore, the pain will automatically disappear, to! As minute when someone is happy there is one, at the same time, very sad. And between them various people being caught in the middle of the process. So if u would put them together u would find all stages from happy to sad that we go through on their faces. Emotional exposition, this could be. Lets make theater of us! For all of us to see. How true that is.

Understand of life better is making me surrender to life in a much grater scale. Im not afraid as I use to be. I accept fear and sadness and understanding above it. So it comforts me at the same time. Even it’s really letting go. Working in not accepting other’s misery , pain happiness, excitement as my own.

Big luggage gets of ur chest.

Be brave and clean ur self from things that don’t serve to anybody. Than act out of wisdom!

We left for ruins after breakfast in a market place and after game. Mitla, they close it in front of our faces..in good will we left for another’s..Yagul! inspirational view. Some nice photos, than off to dinner time in a fairy caste house of Guilermo on the hill. Uaaau…young chef was there and prepare a “Risotto” as Sicilian gene is running strongly in his vein. Vine and great conversations…night tock us into the sl

eeping point. Was time to say goodbye from beautiful people.

And hallo, today!!!