“Girl? Where did u lost ur shoes?”, as on going guilt was asking. Mother and father, teachers, lovers..all that once was adored and admired fall in the voice of guilt.
Chaska left for market to buy some meat and pick up the left overs for her 2 found dogs. She got overwhelmed by the progress her little action is producing. Something she thought is just one more maltreated dog by the street in possession of someone that is doing it, became a real matter of life and death. But how she couldn’t see that before?
So much fake and stupid priorities she made in her life. Like going to another party and than feeling dead of reality for at least 3 days. “What is driving me to look for times of getting always of myself?”
She than spends hours on remind her who she is. Its never clear line between the life u are and the life u live. She knows that, but its easy to forget when most of people are living corpses…It’s a sad fact, but take the mirror in your face, see the eyes and chicks when u ask , “Why is this life so important to me…What are things that I do that are so important?”, after a definition she went, “What I really wanna do? What excites me? What makes me happy??”…and sad face followed when, “ What is so important in my important life that im not living what is really important to me and than by all means to all of us!?!? “ life and death, something like that got twisted in a normal thing for a humanity…beings are dyeing in front of our everyday walks to the store and when someone helps they are surpised with “UAAAU!” … and weird looks r glue on u.
Important to someone is what is important to majority. Living the customs of all..being popular and chick…being..?
”FOCK ME, FoCK IMPORTANT IDEA OF me!!” She shouted and put her clothes of in front of the market..people became afraid. Some turned their faces of disgust away, unloved men lick their lips with hunger, grand mother took of her sweater and tried to embrace her with it..protected love..all where protecting something..non could just except the difference and let it be…
“It is only a pain in your memory!!” She than continue in her coming calm voice.
“ Pain when u knew they are not fair to u. Only a child that wants to touch, observe, put on a favorite clothes..but ur idea dint match to theirs combinations and they took choice away, took away ur own point of view..i just wanna feel my choice. It’s never about hurting u. Dont posses that power, but I do have the power to free my self and I have to try. Can u understand in that little corner of ur mind, where u know life is so much more that what we try to maintain for sooooo long…generation to generation..living confused dreams of so long lost past. People died for ideas of others, failing them, ‘couse they were never part from them. But this is a part of me. Its my dream to set free of what they keep persuading me its wrong, but I never sow it as wrong..Dont want to feel wrong about myself!!Of u!! I wanna see u as trying ur own choices as well!! “
She put her clothes on and continue a way to the market. Seat down and ordered granola and yogurt and went analyzing into what just happened, what are the results. Shame came on her face and colored it. Chaska was happy. As she didn’t run, but listen to her need, she somehow gain power of being untouchable. People’s whisper about her spreaded fast, but her head was high up and people after soon though it’s a story of gossip with no real ground and they continue seeing her as Chaska with clothes on. A normal girl that goes to market to pick up meat for her 2 rescue dogs, that nobody seen but they decide to believe her story…hahaha…she was surprise, how people choose what to believe and what not.
She was never the same and she is becoming she of her own free she. Step by step. J
