“Something u said made me feel extremely bad. And knowing how u think I decided to keep it for my self, wait for something that u teach to happen. Well it simply didn’t work and bad feelings are now here with even reason and explanation. So something did happened after all. Clear perspective. No longer I can hear from ur mouth blabla it’s a women talk, to emotional not rational.
It is also funny that what u teach is still so framed into what society was thinking and determine hundreds of years ago, while ur really so liberated..i thought, anyway..
Im sad that time came when I saw what needed to be done Kissing and looking . How ur eyes are is so different than how ur words come out. And I love u so much. What is in ur eyes? I guess since the begging love was there. Once life strike us with needed communication to cut the hours and make some importance of time we blow it. But im happy that I can see. That is why I shall go with love still being there. And when im gonna see u the next time I will sparkle, for we gonna be there with eyes, present. And no more unnecessary words would take focus away. Oh, and don’t forget the doctor appointment on Friday, Lisa will come for the money on Saturday at 11 am, and Jack, he needs to go and make pee in the morning, ok!? Call me if u need anything. Im there. Lov u, bye.”
Is what she said on that Sunday afternoon while sipping warm lemon grass tea. Didn’t say a word, tear came, so did from her corners of eyes, but truth, I never felt so much love between us like now. She is gone and im staying with my old habits, gaining new ones. Jack is happy and he started to sleep in bed something I never aloud before. I thought it is not appropriate. I started to cook him like she did before. He doesn’t like briquettes. I take him for walk 2 time per day. And strangely I don’t really think about her. She is here , present. Was wandering if this is what she meant the other day on the phone when she was talking about God. This sensation, that somebody or something is always present. And if u take it slow u can really feel it and everything seems ok and in its place. I don’t know. I hate the idea of God. And religion. And spiritualism..what is all that crap?! People living under different rules just like atheist, but really they are not more loving or non discriminating..they are even worse. My God is better than from others..ah..its a shity…bloody God reality.
Yet ..i don’t know I kind liked what she said when she put a long speech about her experience on mushrooms that she had, seeing God is in us, is us. She said she was flying there, hallucinating and in front of her was an altar of Jesus and Maria..She said other people were there In the room sharing the journey and they were in struggle or really happy but always from one extreme to another. She was just sitting deciding she will not react she will observe and see where the sacred mushrooms will take her. And there she was, she said: “..once I was able to calm from a strong affect that took me in this emotions and loosing any kind a sense of reality I manage focus on the light from a candle, looking Jesus behind holding heart in his hand . All the noises and big fuss around me slowly went away. Was in the spiral move, like time line. In the shape of caracol and was sitting and watching the life of all of me of animals, plants universe, stars..everything u can imagine and more. There was more, but mind couldn’t recognize, sound were whispering in my ears and colors, shapes were moving and glowing. It was spectacular performance, every little cell was alive. Of course we get so distracted from our self in everyday life. Its because we put focus on the outside, u know?” she continue..
And she add that more ur in action more ur far from the real u which is a point or space where nothing that we know is. No emotions, no feeling, no color, smell it is pure and that is why we can do so many different things and create so many diversities. The thing is that actually if u wanna be in center it doesn’t mean u have to go and meditate all the time or live in a monastery. No, that is awesome news!!! All u need to do is get the experience of ur self, maintain it and enjoy the fruits of the actions with this world. Its fascinating. Of course while u do that u automatically stop doing things that are bad or negative or good or positive.. Because of the nature of whoo u r not of thought about who u might be”
Oh I wish u would have this experience. "And don’t look for label in ur head now, baby. Its doesn’t have it its just an adventure!”,
She left again. Didnt hear from her for a while now. She makes me think she is crazy and far from what I want, but something is happening and is wakening the interest.
Hm..gotta take Jack for a walk.
