Makes u feel stuck. Than listening to stories of people not being able to pull it through gets to be heard a bit more and there it is!!!.. a bit more in stuck, too..
It helps, moving feet. So some movement is on.
Sun is strange, so strong today, ”i better hurry to the beach!!!”
He was there..i could recognize him from a mile. If he don’t get spotted in a minute he is not there.
The body he carry is a delicious fruit. Strong and shaped. Every curve starts new story, marks of fights, once opened skin that got healed..
Imagination!!
Plane head,please, so all this would stay unrevealed to me...the journeys behind what is seen.
Face, a behind bush child,observing spirit, trusty eyes but having the secret pockets in the mind, that unpredictable smell that he drops behind the walk...
Shit!!! Cant believe it has such influence on me. But since he doesn’t speak that much I need to keep myself occupied. Filling my self with “yes, I really like him!”
But knowing something else…
Had a long thinking process. Trying to talk with the heart and complex mind. The agreement came. “Lets give him a chance.”
I found my self sitting in a rag of being a bitch to him.:(.
I jumped to the by the beach street and hurry to drugstore for some first aid help after kissing him and looking deeply in his eyes just to make shore that past 2 days of bad feeling is purely my imagination..didnt find much.
((read:he has its parts to...yaya...but this is about personal guilt that i always can prevent)(where is that i?!?!))
Was cold and took him for granted. Didn’t care about his private world. Truth, I didnt want any
body and was trying to push him away.Beach..
Kisses and agreement we meet in the boat after he finish his swimming exercises.
There I was taking the sun on a boat that do magicaly become Islands of peace so close to the loud city, blabla and beer, smell of burned cheese and selling voice: “Ricolete..”
Island of happiness..he was swimming towards me.
Funny he strikes me the most as the romantic gentleman from english streets with a bit cold character but very warm gestures..He must be lost coming from out of space or out of time.
Hidden beat can be taken from him, secretly, letting me know he is at all time on top of situations. His silence is his strongest possession. It creates the picture inside of the frames.
Like a pen i wanna write with..but he is just not using ink that would be leaving marks behind for me to see what is written, u know..when u forget...so of what use is than this pen!?!?
To me...jajaja.
A twist to this emotional fueled logic machine.
Why would anything be written anyway..Its a memory trap. Its so easy to manipulate when one depends on a limited memory..maybe i need to step out and try a life based only on a memory and no security protection behind, just to expand it!?
The question is do i really want that with him, now!?
He came on a boat, kissed and step into silence. “Fock,” I hate this because I know it will happen. Why he doesn’t say anything..its been weird for last 2 days..he wasn’t there????what !?!?”
I let the silence flow, making my eyes catching the beauty in front. I calm down. He is tired. To much non sleeping hours for him and too much thinking of me about it.
Back in the saddle of the waves..turning into dolphins made all the difference. “Oh, my GOD!!! How can I ever live away from the ocean!??!”
One dive, non breathing time that doesn’t need air..makes me wanna try if I can stay there for a longer time..i push and push limits but its always fear that puts my head on the surface.
Yet, I did improve and could swim for a a long time under, than take just a short breath and continue. Repeating that for like 20 minutes..i do twists and turns, changing the swimming technique, in a try to move like dolphin..arrrrrr.
Since I improve my balancing so the water don’t enter my nose or ears anymore im much braver and behave in ocean like its my natural environment…spending hours in.
Feeling the sun while taking the death man float when spotted giantess clouds coming from behind of the city on us…people started to pack. We were still in the water. I looked at him he smiled, came closer and we started to be weightless under, on top of the water. So much fun..ajssss…swimming close, making curves round the bodies, going under the shade of it and back on top. Roll between warm hands, going back deep and kissing the knee…mmmmm…
Rain drops started their sound symphony, as ballerinas performing tragedy. The surface was another face of the ocean now. Colors had gone into gray oily liquid, not a single millimeter of glazed sea. All was a birthing place. With millions of new young borne, popping out of the sky womb and fell into ocean..one by one, but to many, endless counting could take place.
He started smiling even more, not many of us were still in the water. Big waves started to come. By this time half of the gray hard cloud heaviness was upon us in front sun still having its time of the day. A clear line between to opposite sides, yet being there together, rain, sun, clouds and clear sky…was freaking out with admiration was lunching new rhythm drum from the heart.
What happened was that minutes before sun needed to give all the sky to wild rainy clouds he painted them into a fluorescent indigo blue color with some rays of him still managing to escape.
What a spectacular view.
I looked at him and said to myself, will give u a chance. Knowing it really has nothing to do with my future.
But do I live for future or do I live for now. For what it has been given to me!?
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